COLUMNIST AMANDA POLASKI: Remember when I said…

Hey, I tried to warn myself, but did I listen? Nope. Don?t ever tell God what your plans are, because chances are, he?ll pull a fast one on you. I didn?t necessarily come right out and tell God that I had the next year planned out, or that I planned on being a music teacher at the Rogers City Elementary School, but I may have slipped into my conversations with him that I was planning on certain changes to take place concerning me as a teacher. I went so far as to write a column about it and give my farewell bow to the audience as the curtain closed. But, then the curtain opened back up again, and I was sent directly into Act II.

What I?m trying to tell you is that I?m back on the beat. Although I will be moonlighting as a substitute teacher at the local school, I will be keeping my full time position as a writer for the Presque Isle Advance. I know this news will disappoint many of you faithful readers, and by the way, I appreciated all of the phone calls and messages. Remember when I said I was leaving the paper? I was just checking to see if anyone was listening. Anyway, I just couldn?t say no to the enticement of a brand new office with a window seat!

If you are not privy to the location of my desk here at work ? let?s just say it is far from a window seat. There is a black wall directly to my left, and a vast black floor stretching out through the room. Although I am thankful to have a place to rest my body and type my weekly stories, I?m also quite ready to pick up my desk, all of my scattered papers, my calendar, and my computer and wander over to the new place on the corner of Third Street. I have joked that I will need to keep a black garbage bag over my new window so that I don?t go into complete shock from the natural light I?ve heard via numerous infomercials that natural light is hearty for the happy soul, so I can only imagine what a splendid place the new office of The Advance will be to visit and to work at. Several of us have been so deprived of natural light since February that our moods will no doubt dramatically shift once we are seated in our new digs. Flowers will bloom. People will laugh. Pleasant music will drift through the air. All because I will be able to see out a window.

Speaking of infomercials, in case you haven?t heard ? there are some pretty terrific inventions being sold on a daily basis right within the comfort of your own home. My husband and I noticed Sunday morning is a great time for infomercials to be aired, and it?s also a great time for people everywhere to turn off their televisions and go outside. We are not of the privileged few to have cable television, so we had our choice of watching an infomercial about a blow-up bed, an infomercial about that bed that moves up or down, or an infomercial featuring Cindy Crawford, which sold beautiful skin in a bottle. We settled on the one about the blo

w-up bed. It was absolutely amazing. It was a large, black plastic bed that rolled up and fit into a small storage bag. But, when you needed to get it out, all it took was an electrical socket, and presto-chango! You had an instant bed. And you didn?t need all of those ?old fashioned? tools for blowing up plastic things, such as hot air. You only needed to plug the bed in and watch it inflate on its very own. People included in the infomercial obviously thought it was the next greatest invention to sliced bread ? they even showed how you could simply purchase several of the beds and use them as couches in your home.

No more buying ?real? furniture ? no more of those uncomfortable Lazy Boy recliners ? just blow up a plastic bed. Everyone knows there is nothing more enjoyable than sleeping on plastic! And if you buy that, then I?ve got a dark, corner office on Erie Street I?d like to sell you. Call in the next 20 minutes, and I?ll throw in my car for free.